Not Another Pandemic Book!: Watch This Space Turned Pandemic Poetry Into a Book of Historical Events

 

When the pandemic hit in 2020 and everybody was on lockdown, it seemed like a lot of people suddenly grabbed ALL of that time they had and used it to write! Or they decided to try their hand at writing and made the leap to write a book. Soon we started seeing poems, essays and even books that were all related to the pandemic in some way.

 

Well, guess what? I was one of those people!

 

For most of 2020, I was working my job as a DSP (Direct Support Professional), which is another term for a caregiver. I supported individuals with Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities (I/DD). My job required me to show up during the apocalypse – er, the pandemic, so every morning I had to work, I suited up and shipped out! During most of 2020, I was still suffering from a dry period in my writing. I hardly did any creative writing. Most of my writing was done in daily reports I had to write at work – and, you know something? I think that really helped me to get back into the writing habit!

 

Because soon I was writing poems about things going on all around me.

 

My husband works at a steel mill, so he had the luck of working from home. In fact, with my kids at home since the schools closed, I was the only one leaving the house on my work days! I wrote about this in a poem.

 

And because people were being stopped by the police because they were out and about when everybody was ordered to stay at home, my work reminded all of us to keep our badges with us in our car so we could show it to the police in case we got stopped. Fortunately, I was never stopped! But this fear was something that found its way into a poem I wrote.

 

I also wrote about how, on one evening during the riots after the murder of Jacob Floyd, I was driving through downtown Eugene watching a lot of people causing chaos, holding up signs, yelling and chanting things. (It was scary and I’m glad I made it through that okay!)

 

But the pandemic affected work, too. I wrote all about this in poems.

 

Soon I was writing more than poems and work reports. In October, I opened up a spiral notebook and started writing what would later become a nonfiction book. I stopped writing this book in order to try writing a novel that November, for NaNoWriMo, but only got as far as one chapter. When December rolled around, I got back to work on that nonfiction book, and I finished writing it on Christmas Eve. It was an early Christmas present to myself: A book I had written!

 

I didn’t stop there, though. I decided to take those poems I wrote during the first year of the pandemic (yes, we had more than one year of it!) and decided to write a collection of poems about the pandemic. After I felt this book was complete, I tried submitting it to various publishers. I actually spent a couple of years trying to find a publisher for it, all to no avail. All of the publishers I submitted the manuscript to ended up responding with rejections. It didn't win any of the contests I entered it in, either. I figured that those editors were all tired of the influx of pandemic books the literary community was flooded with and just didn’t want to see mine add to it.

 

So I put that book away for a while and focused on other books.

 

Meanwhile, I continued to write poetry. This time, I wrote poems about current events as well as poems on the theme of loss, grief, friendship and strength.

 

When I found a publisher interested in publishing my longer poetry books, I pulled out that pandemic poetry book and revised it. Instead of containing poems from the first year of the pandemic, I added more poems to it to cover the pandemic AND events going on during 2021 to 2023. I mean, there was A LOT going on both locally as well as nationally, and I wrote all of these poems about them. So I grabbed all of the poems that fell into that category, added them to the manuscript, and sent it off to my new publisher. The book was eventually accepted and Watch This Space has now been published.

 

There are, however, a few poems in this book that were not written during 2020-23.

 

My dad passed away in 2015, after basically drinking himself to death. He had that “one more drink” that killed him, just as my “one more drink” almost killed me. The only difference is that I received medical care when he did not. He died alone inside of a van from a heart attack. For a long time after his death, I was struggling with anger and confusion over why he would do that to himself. But as a former alcoholic, I know the kind of prison that alcoholism can keep us in. That kind of addiction is damn hard to kick for good. The one attempt where I was successful in staying sober was actually my third, so I get it. I understand what alcoholism can do to a person and the lies it tells us in order to get us to keep drinking. Anyway, after the pandemic hit, this struggle turned into a string of questions I kept wondering about, such as this: Did my dad drink himself to death because he knew that the world was basically in chaos? Did he know things were only going to get worse?

 

In one part of the poem “The Question of Why” I wrote about this on page 77:

 

“Did you know

Did you foresee

All the trouble

Ahead? All the chaos

Of a pandemic?”

 

My dad didn’t die during the years covered in this book, but I certainly had to wonder if this was one of the reasons why he had a death wish.

 

I also included the poem “As We Talk” because, interestingly, lockdown actually strengthened communication between a lot of people that normally didn’t communicate with each other very much.

 

And, finally, I also included the poem I wrote decades ago titled “Be Strong, Woman” because of the overturning of Roe vs Wade in 2020. I felt this poem was appropriate to include because, even after 2020, women’s reproductive rights were still being challenged and women were still losing control over what they could do with their bodies once pregnancy was confirmed.

 

Nevertheless, almost all of the poems in this collection are new and were never published. Well, they are now, as part of this book.

 

I like to say that one good thing came out of the year 2020: That while the whole world came crashing down, and after I was about to lose hope, I was able to start writing again. In the chaos of a pandemic, I turned to the one thing that brought stability and joy to my life.

 

But I think a couple of other good things came out of 2020 as well:

 

The chance to know a family better after we offered to help them during those trying times. This was a family consisting of a single mother with three adult children and all of them were immunocompromised (a word we all got to know well during the pandemic!). We either helped them to get food, medication, or assistance through local services. Sometimes we gave them rides or cleaned for them. One person in this family is someone who my oldest had been friends with for years, and in helping them, I got to know her better and she was like a daughter to me. I am grateful I had the chance to get to know this family better thanks to our assistance provided during the pandemic, and this book is actually dedicated to one of them.

 

And the other good thing that came out of 2020? The start of what would be become my pandemic poetry book.

 

Many thanks to Alien Buddha Press for publishing my book! I am so thrilled it is finally in print and out there in the world.

 

Here is the blurb:

 

Through a captivating blend of evocative language and vivid imagery, Colclasure takes readers on a journey through the myriad landscapes of COVID and its impacts on society. From the darkest depths of despair to the radiant heights of joy, each poem in "Watch This Space" is a testament to the resilience of the spirit.

 

With profound insight, Colclasure delves into themes of health, love, loss, hope, and redemption. Whether reflecting on personal struggles or advocating for social change, her words resonate with authenticity and compassion, leaving an indelible impact.

 

"Watch This Space" transcends being a mere collection of poems; it is a profound exploration of the experience amidst a pandemic. With each turn of the page, readers are drawn deeper into the labyrinth of emotion, emerging with a newfound appreciation for the beauty and complexity of a sickness.

 

Here is the buy link

Turning Pain into Poetry

 

 

There are a lot of ways to write about our pain and trauma. Most people usually write about it in a journal or, if they don’t mind having an audience, on a blog. I have done both of these in the past, as well as writing about my pain and trauma in a personal essay. Sometimes I turned it into something I used in a story.

 

One other way I put my pain into words, however, is by writing about it in my poetry.

 

I started writing poetry at a young age, so I have been writing it for a very long time. Some days, poetry is all I write. I have written so much poetry over the years that crafting poems is a second nature for me.

 

Even so, putting my pain and trauma into verse is not something that I do very often. I’d rather forget about my pain and trauma than write about it, though one of my recent ebooks shared what I learned about writing about our trauma. In fact, it is that knowledge alone that helped guide me towards writing about my pain and trauma in a journal.

 

But, put it into poetry? That’s a little different.

 

When I wrote the poems in my new poetry book, The House That Madness Built, I did not write about what happened in graphic terms or write about it directly.

 

For the most part, I focused on how those experiences affected me. What they made me feel. My reactions and observations.

 

The hardest poem for me to write, though, was the one about when I discovered my cat had been murdered. My younger brother had put her into the dryer. I spent all day calling for her and looking for her. Then my brother told me to check the laundry in the dryer. I did, figuring I could use a break from looking for my cat. I opened the dryer door and the first thing I pulled out was my dead cat. Through my screams and tears, I saw my younger brother smiling.

 

This was not the only trauma I endured because of him, but it was extremely difficult for me to write about it. But after I wrote that poem, I felt like my cat’s death will not be forgotten. In a way, this poem was her cry over the injustice of what was done to her. And my cry over how very wrong it all was.

 

Putting memories into words have that kind of power. They can unburden us from our pain. They can serve as a voice we are unable to find or speak with ourselves. And they can help set us free from all of it.

 

Putting our painful experiences into poems can help us see them in a new light. That’s what kind of result I got out of this. Not all poetry is flowery or purple prose. Not all poetry is happy and inspirational. There are some poems out there written about sad topics in history, as well as painful experiences people go through. And for some people, putting their pain and trauma into a poem is the only way they can write about it.

 

By putting all of that pain into a book and telling my story of having survived all those things, it is like walking free into the future. I don’t carry those burdens around anymore; they now live within the pages of my poetry book. This book that tells the story of some of the darkest chapters of my life.

 

So why did I choose to have it published? There are MANY other poems I wrote about painful experiences which I keep packed away. There are MANY essays I wrote during hard times that won’t ever see print.

 

Well, I chose to move forward with getting these poems published because I wanted my story in print. I want it out there. It is also a good way for me to prepare for when my memoir, which also contains some other painful experiences, will be published as well. This is just another step I am taking in sharing my pain and trauma in a public platform. Everyone has the right to tell their stories. These are some of mine.

 

I am grateful to Written Tales for publishing my book. And thank you, Kevin Saitta, for editing the poems and putting it all together into a book I am happy with. It helped me to heal. And just as my story had a happy ending, I hope that it will let others know that no matter how dark things are now, there is a light at the end.

 

Here is the blurb:

 

Within the pages of this chapbook, you will delve into the profound and harrowing journey of author Dawn Colclasure. Her collection of confessional poems is a reflection of the darkest chapters of her life. Dawn's narrative unfolds from the haunting echoes of a turbulent childhood marred by abuse and violence to the heart-wrenching betrayal of trust through sexual assault. Through her verses, you will bear witness to the moments when hopelessness eclipsed the possibility of a brighter future, prompting her to grapple with thoughts of self-harm. As a survivor of severe burns, Dawn endured relentless bullying and painful rejection, ultimately leading to a profound sense of low self-esteem, self-hatred, and the suffocating embrace of depression.

 

"The House That Madness Built" stands as a testament to a life entrenched in turmoil, a life that spiraled into the depths of alcoholism and despair. Yet, it is also a story of resilience, redemption, and the stark moment of reckoning when Dawn was forced to confront her addictions. This collection takes you on an exploration of her choices between life and death, a profound and transformative odyssey that paints a striking portrait of the human spirit's enduring will to survive.

 

Here is the buy link

Adding Backstory to an Essay Collection

I recently read a memoir in which a woman shared a traumatic health emergency she ultimately survived. In addition to sharing this story, she also wrote about her background.

 

At first, I wondered if she added this background about her life in order to make the book an actual “book” in the event that her chapters documenting her health emergency were not sufficient. But as I read more about her background and everything else about her life leading up to the health emergency, I realized that it was a good thing she provided that background about her life, because it helped me to understand her and know her better. Of course, I do not know the author personally, but reading about her life helped me to get the full scope of what her life was like before, and after.

 

This made me think: Should I do the same for an essay collection I have been writing?

 

I have been working on an essay collection about my experience in sobriety, and I felt that it was a good idea to do so since I am going on my sixth year of being sober. Some people have asked me how I have managed to get this far being sober, so I thought it was a good idea to write about just how I have managed to do it.

 

But I am also writing my memoir. I am writing about my experiences of being a burn survivor, being a person who is deaf (and lost her hearing when 13 years old), and a person who has been coping with certain health issues – namely, panic attacks, a heart condition and a sleep disorder that have all wrecked havoc on my chances of getting and keeping a job. (The only job I have managed to keep despite all that? Working as a freelance writer! But, mainly, working from home, since I work my own hours.)

 

I am starting to wonder if I should combine the two books. If I should provide some background on the kind of life I have lived, my experiences that threw me deeper into drinking (plus a suicide attempt), and basically all the things I went through that shaped me into the person that I am today.

 

I will, of course, write about my experiences with alcoholism in the memoir, but now I’m wondering if I should throw ALL of those stories together into one book.

 

A part of me wasn’t sure if I should do it, because that’s like saying, “All of this bad stuff made me drink!” or “My crappy upbringing is to blame for my alcoholism.”

 

I don’t want to blame my life for my drinking problem. I don’t want to say “I was an alcoholic because of THIS!” or use bad stuff from my past as an excuse for why I drank. Yes, it did contribute to my drinking problem, but it’s not why I started drinking in the first place. I started drinking in the first place because EVERYBODY in my family drank! My parents, older siblings, in-laws, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. EVERYBODY DRANK! It was like an initiation into adulthood. Although, some of us started drinking before we were legally old enough to drink.

 

And the more bad stuff that happened in my life, the worse my drinking got. That’s all there is to it. The bad stuff did not make me drink, it just made my drinking problem worse.

 

Then I think, well, it’s easy to judge people you don’t know. Readers might see that essay collection on sobriety and wonder, “WHY did she even start drinking? Why did she keep drinking?” And who knows what kind of conclusions they would reach about me from that line of thinking.

 

Probably wrong conclusions. I’ve been judged by a lot of people my entire life, and they usually get me wrong. They usually don’t understand me, my line of thinking (which was at its worse during my drinking days), that I wasn’t raised the same way as them, that I grew up with violence in the home, and that I’m JUST NOT LIKE THEM. I don’t think the way they do or see things the way they do. People often misjudge me. They usually get me wrong. Very few people know the real me.

 

Maybe sharing some of my background will help people know the real me. And better understand things about why the alcoholism happened.

 

Not only this, but I could basically tell all my stories and share my success at sobriety in just one book. Maybe my success at sobriety and not so much my material accomplishments in life are the highlight of my story, and should go towards the end of the book. (My success at sobriety is definitely not the end of my story, though; there’s more to tell.)

 

The more I thought about doing this, the more it made sense. And the more it made sense, the more I was able to figure out the organization of the book. Yes, it could definitely work.

 

One thing is certain: I am not my past. I am NOT the person I used to be. The beauty of sobriety is that my thinking is clearer, and healthier. I am not what I have lived through; I am what I choose to become. I am not where I come from; I get to choose where I will go.