Turning Pain into Poetry

 

 

There are a lot of ways to write about our pain and trauma. Most people usually write about it in a journal or, if they don’t mind having an audience, on a blog. I have done both of these in the past, as well as writing about my pain and trauma in a personal essay. Sometimes I turned it into something I used in a story.

 

One other way I put my pain into words, however, is by writing about it in my poetry.

 

I started writing poetry at a young age, so I have been writing it for a very long time. Some days, poetry is all I write. I have written so much poetry over the years that crafting poems is a second nature for me.

 

Even so, putting my pain and trauma into verse is not something that I do very often. I’d rather forget about my pain and trauma than write about it, though one of my recent ebooks shared what I learned about writing about our trauma. In fact, it is that knowledge alone that helped guide me towards writing about my pain and trauma in a journal.

 

But, put it into poetry? That’s a little different.

 

When I wrote the poems in my new poetry book, The House That Madness Built, I did not write about what happened in graphic terms or write about it directly.

 

For the most part, I focused on how those experiences affected me. What they made me feel. My reactions and observations.

 

The hardest poem for me to write, though, was the one about when I discovered my cat had been murdered. My younger brother had put her into the dryer. I spent all day calling for her and looking for her. Then my brother told me to check the laundry in the dryer. I did, figuring I could use a break from looking for my cat. I opened the dryer door and the first thing I pulled out was my dead cat. Through my screams and tears, I saw my younger brother smiling.

 

This was not the only trauma I endured because of him, but it was extremely difficult for me to write about it. But after I wrote that poem, I felt like my cat’s death will not be forgotten. In a way, this poem was her cry over the injustice of what was done to her. And my cry over how very wrong it all was.

 

Putting memories into words have that kind of power. They can unburden us from our pain. They can serve as a voice we are unable to find or speak with ourselves. And they can help set us free from all of it.

 

Putting our painful experiences into poems can help us see them in a new light. That’s what kind of result I got out of this. Not all poetry is flowery or purple prose. Not all poetry is happy and inspirational. There are some poems out there written about sad topics in history, as well as painful experiences people go through. And for some people, putting their pain and trauma into a poem is the only way they can write about it.

 

By putting all of that pain into a book and telling my story of having survived all those things, it is like walking free into the future. I don’t carry those burdens around anymore; they now live within the pages of my poetry book. This book that tells the story of some of the darkest chapters of my life.

 

So why did I choose to have it published? There are MANY other poems I wrote about painful experiences which I keep packed away. There are MANY essays I wrote during hard times that won’t ever see print.

 

Well, I chose to move forward with getting these poems published because I wanted my story in print. I want it out there. It is also a good way for me to prepare for when my memoir, which also contains some other painful experiences, will be published as well. This is just another step I am taking in sharing my pain and trauma in a public platform. Everyone has the right to tell their stories. These are some of mine.

 

I am grateful to Written Tales for publishing my book. And thank you, Kevin Saitta, for editing the poems and putting it all together into a book I am happy with. It helped me to heal. And just as my story had a happy ending, I hope that it will let others know that no matter how dark things are now, there is a light at the end.

 

Here is the blurb:

 

Within the pages of this chapbook, you will delve into the profound and harrowing journey of author Dawn Colclasure. Her collection of confessional poems is a reflection of the darkest chapters of her life. Dawn's narrative unfolds from the haunting echoes of a turbulent childhood marred by abuse and violence to the heart-wrenching betrayal of trust through sexual assault. Through her verses, you will bear witness to the moments when hopelessness eclipsed the possibility of a brighter future, prompting her to grapple with thoughts of self-harm. As a survivor of severe burns, Dawn endured relentless bullying and painful rejection, ultimately leading to a profound sense of low self-esteem, self-hatred, and the suffocating embrace of depression.

 

"The House That Madness Built" stands as a testament to a life entrenched in turmoil, a life that spiraled into the depths of alcoholism and despair. Yet, it is also a story of resilience, redemption, and the stark moment of reckoning when Dawn was forced to confront her addictions. This collection takes you on an exploration of her choices between life and death, a profound and transformative odyssey that paints a striking portrait of the human spirit's enduring will to survive.

 

Here is the buy link

A Journey Towards Healing: New Poetry Book, A Tiny Light, Sheds Light on a Difficult Path

 

I don’t dwell on the past, but sometimes it seeps into my writing. Then there are other times I can look back at my past, see the difficult experiences I had to go through to find my way, and realize that they all tell a story.

 

In some ways, poetry can tell stories, too – in the poems written during difficult times that eventually came to an end.

 

I have been through a lot of difficult situations in life (who hasn’t, right??) and, sadly, a lot of them contributed to my addiction to alcohol. I did eventually get sober, but it was in getting sober that I found my inner strength. The “tiny light” within myself that has kept me strong for over five years since I stopped drinking.

 

But I had to go through a lot of hard stuff first to get there!

 

The poems in this little book share those difficult moments – the rejection I felt in society, among people and even with family because of some reason or another; the VERY uncomfortable awkwardness I experienced after reconciling with my husband and trying to regain his trust and acceptance; the heartbreak and anger over lost love; the discomfort I endured with a former job as a burn survivor with burn scars on my face; experiencing rejection and loneliness in my marriage; and coming to terms with certain lingering issues in my life until, finally, recognizing the importance of letting go of everything that caused pain and weighed me down and finding my inner strength to stand alone on my own two feet.

 

Instead of looking back on these painful events of my past, I now see them as stepping stones to finding my own strength and learning to love myself no matter what happens. Kicking the drinking habit helped, yes, but I knew I had to go deeper than deal with my drinking problem. I had to resolve and make peace with these painful past experiences. So now I can look at this small collection of poems as a victory in overcoming my battle with drinking and shedding the baggage that weighed me down.

 

The poems in this book may be personal poems (confessional poems may be the better term), but hopefully they may resonate with readers and empower them at the end.

 

Here is the book’s blurb:

 

There are hardships in life that can drive people over the edge -- and, in the author's case, it drove her to alcoholism.

The poems in this book capture just some of the things that kept the author trapped in her addiction. She eventually broke free of addiction, made peace with her past and present, and found a tiny light within herself that gave her the strength to carry on as a stronger person free of the chains of alcoholism.

 

 

A Tiny Light is available as a free download on Smashwords

From Horrifying Experience to Shattered Story: Lost Soul is the AU of a Painful Past

 

Writing helps us to heal. In some cases, it can help us to catch a glimpse of what life would have been like if we had taken an alternative path while enduring a harsh experience. In my case, my new novelette is a look into what my life would have likely turned out to be like if I had taken that path.

 

Several years ago, I started writing a story. What I didn’t know at the time was that I was writing an AU story about a painful experience from my past. In the story, my character ran away from home to escape an abusive father and a brother that was molesting her. What happened to my character while she was out on the streets was much worse. Unfortunately, I never finished writing the story; I got stuck and stayed stuck for a long time. Then all thirty-one chapters I wrote vanished when a virus wiped out all of my files.

 

But the story never left me, and the character has always lingered in my mind ever since.

 

I eventually decided to try writing this story again – except with major changes. The friend in the new story is female, not male. And a couple of siblings were added, in addition to a mother. In the old story, I wrote many chapters of how my character was sexually abused. In the new story, it is not so broadly written about.

 

Another change is that the new story is A LOT shorter. In the old story, I wrote about the hardships my character endured while she was out on the streets. In the new story, I included only one thing – how she is abducted and kept in a sex trafficking ring – and the rest of what happened to her later is implied at the end.

 

It was difficult for me to write the new story. I had endured the same home life situation as my character, except I was not the only one responsible for meals and chores. I also changed things about the mother, since I did not want this fictional mother to be based on my real mother. (My real mother treated me better than the fictional mother, although she unfortunately did not interfere when my dad was violent or physically abusive.) I used to have nightmares about the abuse, and especially about my dad and my younger brother being so aggressive and threatening. I also had panic attacks. However, I did eventually make peace with that part of my past. I forgave my dad and I eventually found the strength and the courage to forgive my younger brother as well.

 

Even so, putting those past events into words was not easy. And as a mother, I was screaming in protest over the horrible things that happened to my 16-year-old character.

 

But, I told myself, this story is fiction. And, there was something bigger at work here. I had to write this story, because doing so was my way to change the impact the past had on me. This was not just a story based on something terrible from my past; it was a reminder that I had made the right decision to not attempt for the third time to run away from home to escape from it. I endured it, although the coping mechanism I used was a little questionable. But I endured it. And I survived it.

 

This story is a reminder that I survived it.

 

Yes, I will write about my own experiences in my memoir, but this ebook is a reminder that I made it out of that hell alive. I did not do what my character did; I decided to stay and just put up with it. Thankfully, it all ended at some point.

 

For this reason, I was able to come to the writing of this story as someone who had been there. Aside from the scene where there was a knife at my character’s neck and the torn notebook, the abusive events she went through and the things her parents said to her were all true for me. They came straight out of my past.

 

And at the end of this story, I leave a personal message to anyone else who is going through that same thing or has gone through it. I also list some resources they can turn to to SAFELY and DISCREETLY escape that kind of situation.

 

In the Epilogue, I introduce a character that makes an appearance in a teaser at the end of my book, Bad Girls: Five Tales of Twisted Teens (which are stories with female characters taking a more homicidal approach against their abusers). This was my character’s introduction and that first chapter in Bad Girls takes place after what happened at the end of Lost Soul. You will see more of this character when she gets her own series in the near future.

 

I had some serious misgivings about publishing this story. On one hand, it would likely receive a lot of backlash for portraying a character who is sexually abused, albeit one so young. The sad reality is that there are A LOT of 16-year-old girls in this world enduring sexual abuse – as well as girls a lot younger than that. This is reality. It’s a terrible thing that happens in this world. I also thought I might be perceived in a negative light by my fellow writers, many of whom are my friends, for writing such “garbage.” That remains to be seen.

 

But I did not publish this story to entertain lecherous or crude thoughts about certain things being done to teen girls. I published it because, by seeing themselves in this story, girls who are in such situations may know they are not alone and that this sort of horrible thing being done to them is a very bad and very wrong thing. It is not normal and it is NOT okay. I also hope the resources I included will help them find a way out.

 

In the end, I want to give my readers of this story hope that there are people out there willing to help them, just as there are in this story. They are there, and you can turn to them if you need to.

 

Here is the blurb of the ebook:

 

Dana Mitchells leads a shattered life – until the day she decides to fight back against her abusers. This choice leads her on a dark road that leads to homelessness and despair. Can she find her way out of the darkness before it’s too late?

 

Available free on Kindle Unlimited here