What We Write About When We Write About Death

 

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“How do I write kindly about someone who bullied me?”

 

This is the question that lingered in my mind this week, because that person recently passed away. This situation got me thinking about how we write about death, as well as the people who have passed away.

 

When I told someone about a book I have been writing in which I write poems in memory of people who have passed away, he wanted to know how it was possible for me to write these poems about people that I didn’t even know. That’s right; I have written poems honoring the memory of celebrities, public people, famous people, and important people – and they were all people I never knew or met. People like Michael Landon, Princess Diana, John F. Kennedy, Jr. and even Ozzy Osbourne. I never knew these people. Never met them. But their deaths affected me, so I wrote those poems.

 

When it comes to writing about death, however, that’s when extra care should be used. Death is such a delicate subject to write about. There is so much that we don’t know about death, about the great beyond. We don’t know what it’s like for a person breathing their very last unless we are the ones to do this. We don’t know what people see when they are about to die – though some people have told stories.

 

Death is a subject I have written extensively about, and not just in the scope of grieving the loss of a loved one. In a poetry book that will be released next month, I explore the topic of death as an object of fascination, the superstitions attached to it, the stigma associated with it, as well as how some people crave death so much that they live as though they are not living at all. I have met people who were so obsessed with death that they even pursued careers that had them handling corpses in some way. And a novel I have planned explores one such fascination with death that it drives someone to make it happen in a variety of ways just so he can witness it again and again.

 

Writers have taken other approaches when writing about death. In the novel The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak, the story is narrated by Death. In Scythe by Neal Shusterman, Death is also a character, as well as a role in the story. Then there is the portrayal of Death in various movies and plays.

 

The big thing that tripped me up about writing about my former bully, though, was how others would feel after reading what I wrote about him in this poem. Especially his wife and his adult kids. This, too, is one aspect of writing about the death of someone that must be handled delicately. What words will we write about someone after they are gone? How does someone’s death affect us as a whole? Of course, how they lived will affect what we think of them after they have died. It will affect how we feel about them – if we feel anything at all.

 

Ultimately, however, it can depend on our own personal experience with that person. We can’t expect someone who was abused by their parent to write lovingly about that parent after they are gone. We can’t expect someone whose last encounter with a person being a painful one to reflect upon them fondly after they have died. To do so would be fake, and writers are doing a disservice to their readers when they are being fake with their writing.

 

Still, this person’s death was not about me. It was not about how I knew him, my experiences with him, or what I thought of him. I can keep this to myself, in private, but never in something that will last after I, too, must leave this mortal coil.

 

But here I was, presented with this task of writing about someone for my poetry book, and unsure of just how I should write about him, because my experience in knowing this person was more negative than positive. Never mind that he once gave me a ride on his motorcycle. Never mind that he once took me on a test drive when I was learning how to drive. Never mind that he helped me out with a couple of things I was stuck on with a book I was writing. His bullying was what stood out when I remembered him.

 

And that’s not what I wanted to affect the poem I had to write for this book. Because this book is not about me. It is not about how I knew someone. Ultimately, the poems in this book are meant to serve as a lasting testament to a life someone lived. And these poems do not include the bad things they have done while alive.

 

The key to writing about someone in a positive way when we were not close to them when they were alive is to find a method that works best for us. One way to do this is to change the narrative and record the lessons we learned from these people. Or we could change up how we see their death and write about it in a way that feels more comfortable for us. Alternatively, we could write about our very last positive encounter with this person, if there was one, or we could write about their qualities or personality that people liked about them.

 

There is a poem in this book that I wrote about someone who often physically assaulted me, but I did not mention this at all in the poem I wrote about him after he passed away. Other people knew him in different ways that did not include violence, so I kept the violence out of the poem and wrote about his good qualities that made him so likable.

 

Yes, I wrote kindly about a former bully after he passed away. And I know that if I can do that once, for someone I knew for a lesser period of time than my other former bully, then I can do that again.       

In Praise of Fathers Supporting the Young Writers in Their Lives

 

My dad and I at a poetry event in San Francisco

 

This Father’s Day, my kids and I will be celebrating their dad. As for me, my dad has been gone for eleven years, but I will still be thinking about him too. My dad and I may have had some complications, but there is one thing that I will always remember about him: He supported my writing.

 

As a young adult, my dad helped me to understand contracts I received for getting books and my writing published. He also offered pointers on the query letters I sent through the mail. (This was before sending queries through email became standard.) He asked to read my stories and he was supportive when I wanted to buy writing magazines. He bought me an electronic typewriter (a step up from the traditional typewriter I used!) and also tackled printer problems when I was trying to print out my work on the computer.

 

It was my dad and one of my sisters who went with me to San Francisco to attend a poetry event. And my dad often shared about my writing when people visited at our home.

 

Both of my parents were very supportive of my writing and I am grateful that my dad would show that same support too. In fact, they agreed to allow me to host meetings of a poetry club that I ran inside of their home.

 

The support of my parents is something that meant a lot to me. I’m glad they were so supportive of my writing when I was growing up, especially my dad.

 

This is the kind of thing that lingers in the mind and heart of a young writer. And as an adult, these are the kinds of memories that I cherish.

 

I’m grateful to my dad for being supportive of my writing and even helping out when he needed to.

 

I think a father supporting a young writer, or fathers who are writers supporting their kids who take to writing, play a very pivotal role in that young writer’s life. This kind of support from a parent tells the young writer, “I see you. I value you. I support you.”

 

This kind of support not only encourages the young writer to keep writing, but it also tells the young writer that maybe they are doing something right.

When Things Look Better on Paper Than They Do in Real Life

 

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Earlier this year, a publisher I am friends with shut down her company, suddenly making several books go out of print. Because I knew this publisher and she is aware that I work for a different publishing company (Twisted Dreams Press), we had talked about the fate of my books. She wanted to know what I planned to do in order to get them back into print. In our conversation, I mentioned that I was starting a new imprint at Twisted Dreams Press called Dreamweaver Press, which was slated to debut on June 1, and I mentioned that I’d be happy to help her authors get their books back into print. Additionally, I agreed to take over the many anthologies that were either already published or scheduled for publication.

 

And because this is A LOT of books to get back into print, I knew that I would need to create a publication schedule for all of them.

 

The authors of this press received this invitation to sign with Dreamweaver and I have been working with the interested authors ever since. Part of this task involves discussing a date to re-release their books.

 

The main goal of Dreamweaver Press is to republish books that have gone out of print. Because I am in that boat too, I decided to add some of my books to that list. But the priority at the very beginning is put on other authors, not me. My books can wait. I want to put THEIR books first.

 

And in order to have everything sorted out with all of these books, I knew I would have to create a publication schedule so that I wouldn’t lose focus on where we were with certain books.  

 

So, I created the publication schedule. And when I did, I knew that there would be some challenges to keep that schedule at the beginning, but I was willing to take on those challenges. After all, the challenges I anticipated would be a learning experience for me as a publisher, and I could use those lessons to strengthen the press moving forward.

 

Little did I know that the challenges related to the publication schedule would have a lot more to do with real life than with the press itself.

 

When I created the publication schedule, I decided that I would start the process for getting the next book published on Mondays. Unfortunately, for this most recent Monday, I had two things on my mind: My article deadline and my son’s graduation. (I am still a freelance writer!) And both of those things took place on the same day! (Thank goodness the graduation ceremony was in the evening! I spent the first part of my day taking care of finalizing my article, submitting it, and waiting for a confirmation from my editor that the article was received.) So on Monday, June 8, I was only thinking about those two things, instead of “The Next Book to Be Released By Dreamweaver Press” – which was an anthology.

 

The first book published by Dreamweaver Press was released on schedule.

 

The second book published by Dreamweaver Press was released on schedule.

 

The third book to be published by Dreamweaver Press? It probably won’t be released on schedule.

 

And my forgetfulness about starting work on it on Monday is not the only reason why!

 

Apparently, I didn’t have everything I needed to upload the files for publication.

 

I was aware of the book slated for release on Monday, June 15. It’s the re-release of the anthology The Stranger At My Window, a book which recently went out-of-print. And while I was certain that I had everything I needed for this re-release to happen, I realized at the last minute that there was one more thing I had to do before this book could be republished: Update all of the contributor bios.

 

This anthology was first published in May 2025. And a lot can happen for a writer in one year, which is why any publisher of an anthology should always double check with writers to see if their bios need to be updated if they are going to republish the anthology at a later time.

 

The thing of it was, though, is that I should have asked all of those writers if they needed their bios updated on Monday, and not on Thursday, which is what actually happened. On Thursday morning, I was ready to upload all of the files for publication – until I realized that, oops! The writer bios needed to be updated! This is a must. I want to ensure that every single book I publish through Dreamweaver is something that the authors can be proud of and that it has the best quality possible. I would not accept anything less. I was with a publisher in the past who was okay with publishing books filled with typos and inaccurate information, and that won’t happen with me. Every book published by Dreamweaver Press will be of the best quality possible.

 

And if I wanted to republish an old anthology, I would have to make sure that all of the writer bios were updated!

 

I was kicking myself for forgetting about this very important step before the book can go to press. (It’s been a week of forgetfulness, folks. On the day of my son’s graduation, he had to keep coming back into the house when it was time to leave, because he kept forgetting things. And I have kept forgetting things all week too!) But I understand that mistakes are going to happen in these early days of the new imprint. So I am not going to continue to wallow in anger at myself for screwing that up. I had a good self-bashing, then I got back to work!

 

So I contacted all of the writers and let them know the situation. Because I was the creator of this anthology when I compiled the stories for the first edition, I had everybody’s email address.

 

And while I was at it checking to see if I had everything I needed in order to republish a book, I decided to do the same for another anthology which I plan to publish. This is one that was originally scheduled for publication by the old publisher, but now that the company shut down, it is one of the anthology projects which Dreamweaver Press acquired. For this anthology that I plan to publish on June 22, Tales from the Hearth, I was dismayed to discover that I didn’t have everything I needed in order to publish it.

 

The manuscript is edited, but I didn’t have the cover or the writer’s email addresses. I was not the creator for this anthology, and the person who was the creator is not available to contact for the email addresses, so I tried another approach. Since I am on Facebook, I looked all of the writers up on there. The good news is that I am Facebook friends with all of the writers. The bad news is that not all of them included their links on their Facebook profiles. This was bad because I prefer to contact people through their website contact forms, not through Facebook Messenger. (Except for people I am actual friends with; we chat in Messenger often.) But I still rolled up my sleeves and contacted ALL of the writers in the other anthology through Facebook Messenger asking them to send me their bios AND their email address. (An email address is good to have if you are working with someone!)

 

Then I waited.

 

Fortunately, all of them have been responding to my message and have provided the information I needed for the book and my files. I am so grateful to them all for being okay about reaching out to them through Facebook Messenger rather than email. And I’m grateful that they have replied so promptly, too! (Thanks, everyone!)

 

Now if only I can get the cover for that other anthology. Then I will have everything I need in order to publish it.

 

My plan to get the TSAMW anthology published looked good on paper, and now it’s just a matter of waiting for real life to catch up. We’ll see if I can still get it out by Monday!

 

I realize that I could just go ahead and republish one of my own books on Monday just to keep the publication schedule consistent, but I don’t want to do that. I want to put the other authors’ books first. I want to work on getting OTHER books back into print first. Mine will be back out there in their own time.

 

So what have I learned from this mishap? Two things:

 

1.  We all make mistakes and sometimes we forget things. It happens.

 

2.  It’s a good idea to create a system in order to prevent certain mistakes from happening again. My forgetfulness is not something I have any control over, but I CAN control planning ahead, which is what I will do from now on. This will mean that I’ll include a reminder in my dayplanner for EVERY Monday to start the process for releasing the next Dreamweaver Press book. Mondays MAY be a Release Day for Dreamweaver Press, but it’s also a day I need to start working on getting the NEXT book released!

 

Yes, we all make mistakes. We’re only human. But it’s important to LEARN from our mistakes and think about what we can do in order to avoid making that mistake again. Hopefully, for this particular case, a pre-set reminder will work!