For me, my most recent change is with my writing. Specifically, how much of a role being a writer will play in my life.
In the past, I was obsessed with writing. I was CONSTANTLY writing. I’d spend hours at the table or at the desk, either writing in a notebook or typing away at the keys. I threw myself into the role of being a writer, allowing it to swallow me up whole. Because of this, I had hardly had if any at all what you could call a social life. I rarely hung out with people. I rarely did things. Writing was my life, even as other things were happening in my life. But every day, I’d be writing nonstop for hours. My health suffered for this, too, as writing is a sedentary activity, so I wasn’t exercising or getting as much fresh air as I should have. I also chose work-from-home jobs that were writing jobs, just so I could keep writing. I was totally absorbed in the writing life and I loved every minute of it.
Well, that’s going to change now. Even as I enjoyed the time I was obsessed with writing and writing my heart out for days on end, I knew very well that it was not always going to be like this. I knew that the day would come when that flame would go out. When that drive would diminish. My obsession would change. And, it has.
I no longer obsess over writing. I am no longer constantly at the desk or table, furiously writing nonstop. No, that is no longer me. I now see writing as more of a hobby than a passion or obsession. I no longer have any desire to write or delve into fictional worlds. The thrill is gone!
These days, I’d rather be doing other things. Hanging out with people, going places, doing things, seeing places. I would rather be up and about instead of sitting at the desk so much. Of course, I still enjoy reading books. I still love reading books. But as for writing….it’s just not something that pulls me to the desk anymore. It no longer feels like something that I MUST do.
Nowadays, I just write whenever the mood strikes. And I am totally okay with that. I am actually happy about that, because it’s something I not only knew would happen, but what I WANTED to happen. I wanted to break free of the chains at the desk. I wanted to break free of that grip my muse kept me in.
And it has finally happened. I have FINALLY BROKEN FREE. It happened when I started losing interest. Maybe it’s because I have met certain writing goals or I feel that I have done all that I can with my writing up to this point in my life. But I just don’t have that drive anymore. Now, I don’t even think about writing at all. I think about other things. People. Outside. THE WORLD.
It sure would be nice to be a part of the world. To wander out and about and to experience new things in life.
Of course, I know that I cannot see this change as a reason for me to drop all my remaining obligations. I still have contracts to honor and things to finish up. I still have people relying on me to meet my end of an agreement. And I have every intention of doing so. I will finish revisions on two books, finish writing a series, and wrap up a few other books that some people are involved in. I’m not going to be a jerk and say, “Oh, writing is no longer important to me and I’m not going to do anything for you. Sorry. So sad, too bad.” No, I am going to remain true to my word and honor other agreements that I have with people. I will also continue writing a short story every week because I want to be able to accomplish that goal. I will also write the occasional blog post.
But for everything else, it’s all getting moved to the back burner. I am no longer pressuring myself to finish works-in-progress or assigning my own deadlines for them. I will just work on them whenever I feel compelled to do so. That’s not going to be as often as before, and that’s okay too. It’s time for the next chapter in my life. Can’t wait to start living it and see what it’ll be all about.
Labels: writing life