A happy place

Something happened to me recently that has left me very troubled. It happened on Monday morning. First day of the week, with all this stuff I have to do. Articles and chapters to write. Research to get done for my proposal. Deadlines to meet.

And after it happened...I was frightened and morally torn. It's just a big bizarre thing. I cannot talk about it, though. It's really hard to talk about it. I did talk to someone about it and she told me what to do. I did as she suggested but I'm still feeling really broken about it. I mean, certain boundaries were overstepped. Something that SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED ending up happening. My trust was broken. And I'm still freaked out over all of it. It was just so...bizarre and unreal. It was actually surreal. And the fact that I now join others who have had this happen to them is not exactly a perk, either. I just can't accept that something like this happened to me. Even though it did.

I just can't think about it...

So, I try not to think about it. But at the same time, I can't focus on much else. It's hard to focus on the other stuff. The important stuff. The writing.

But when I get into the writing, I am able to focus on it. Maybe having a deadline is what helps me to focus on it. Or the job at hand. But I do end up focusing on the writing, once I get into it.

And after I finish writing, it's right back to being troubled again and angry again and just...confused. But I will get through this, eventually. I hope.