Fighting Back Against Common Writer Problems

 

Photo Credit:  xusenru via Pixabay

Some people know that I have chronic depression. But not everybody knows what exactly I am dealing with when I share that “my depression is hitting me hard.” It’s not something I can snap out of. It’s not something that will magically go away if you tell me things like “it could be worse” or “things will get better.” Duh. I know all of this. That’s not going to change anything. I won’t suddenly feel better and be able to do stuff again. So when my depression hits me hard, it hits me hard. I have no desire to do ANYTHING. I am overwhelmed with sadness. There is no motivation, no anticipation, and no drive to do stuff. Just sadness. And it just comes out of nowhere; nothing triggers it. It just happens.

 

That’s what happened to me last weekend – particularly, on a Sunday, when I had stuff to do. And nothing really seemed to help, although my husband taking the time to talk with me did alleviate some of my pain.

 

And since that day, I have been trying to get back on track with everything. It has been a slow process, though. But I have been spending this week trying to regain the strength I had to push aside that depression and keep going.

 

Monday was a hard day too, though. I was able to do a few things, but there was NO motivation to write. At the end of the day, though, I wrote in my journal (which is my daily habit) and I got excited over how I managed to write a whole page in my journal. That helped a lot.

 

And I think that is what helped me to get some of my motivation to write back, because on Tuesday, I was able to write again! Yay! I got some writing done both in a short story I was writing and in a book I am revising.

 

But there were other things I could have written on Tuesday. But I didn’t write them. Why?

 

I had a different beast to contend with. A beast that was telling me things like “You are the worst writer on the entire planet!” and “Nobody cares about anything you write, so why bother?” and “Your writing sucks!”

 

The problem was, part of me was believing all of that. And I knew that if I REALLY believed all of that, then I would never write again.

 

With everything I have going on right now, I couldn’t let that happen!

 

I have a book I needed to finish revising and get back into print, because I KNOW it will be useful to other writers out there!

 

I have a series I need to finish writing and get published with a new publisher!

 

I have another book that I need to finish editing and get it back into print!

 

I have another book that I need to finish revising and get it out there in the world because one person in that book will be very happy when it is finally published!

 

And I have short stories that I need to either write or finish revising for anthologies that I have been attached to.

 

In other words, there are people out there who are relying on me to keep writing and keep working!

 

And I HAVE to keep writing and working on these projects even if the voices in my head are telling me that I’m full of shit and that my writing stinks.

 

It took me a while to realize that something bigger was going on here. It wasn’t just self-doubt I was dealing with. No, this was something worse.

 

This was IMPOSTER SYNDROME.

 

Yes, that’s right. I was now dealing with Imposter Syndrome.

 

Those voices in my head telling me that I should give up because my writing wasn’t worth anything were a product of Imposter Syndrome.

 

Once I reminded myself of the need to keep writing because of all of those people depending on me to turn work in, I felt both strength and anger surge through me. Strength to get back up again and get back to work, and anger at this THING in my head that was trying to stand in my way. This THING in my head that was trying to keep me down.

 

I gave that thing a face and I said to that face, “You know what? Fuck you!” And I mentally punched it!

 

Did it work? Well, I was able to work on ONE of my books again, and I was able to write/revise a short story. That was all that I had the strength for. But it was enough.

 

This experience in combatting Imposter Syndrome helped me to realize that I CAN rise above it, because now I know how to fight it: Reminding myself of the people depending on me to get shit done, and finding the strength to fight back. To punch Imposter Syndrome right in the face!

 

The next day, I managed to write a thousand words in my novel, even though I hated every word. (I told myself that it’s a first draft and I can always fix it later.)

 

And now I have written this blog post, too. Take that, Imposter Syndrome!

 

What’s interesting is that on the same day that I wrote this blog post, I came across a Substack post for one of the Substacks I am subscribed to: “Imposter Syndrome” by Loralee Clark.

 

Reading this post really made me appreciate overcoming my own bout with Imposter Syndrome. It is very hard to do, but not impossible.

 

I loved how she wrote: “Sometimes Imposter Syndrome leaves us in this untenable position where we believe there is something wrong with us and then we are stuck in the reality of not good enough. Let’s begin to move away from this untruth.” As I was grappling with imposter Syndrome, what terrified me is just how easy it was to believe all the things that voice in my head was telling me. That my writing isn’t good enough. Who on earth am I to even DARE to write at all? I was only setting myself up for failure and embarrassment if I even so much as submitted my work. But THESE ARE ALL LIES! It’s just a matter of seeing them for what they are: Untruths.

 

Another quote I loved from this piece was this one: “Having doubts and feeling vulnerable—perfectly normal. Not allowing ourselves full creative expression? Harmful.” Imposter Syndrome can ruin our whole day and every single attempt we make to try to create. By giving in to this terrible affliction, we are robbing ourselves of our creativity. We are shunning that part of ourselves that not only wants to be creative but NEEDS to be creative.

 

And that’s why it’s so important to fight back against Imposter Syndrome. There are suggestions offered in that post. Or you can do what I did and just punch it in the face!

 

Seriously, there is no right or wrong way to deal with Imposter Syndrome. It really is a personal choice. The important thing is that you don’t allow it to fester or continue to rent space in your head.   

 

So this week was all about tackling three things that could spell disaster for a writer, especially a writer with deadlines! They were depression, lack of motivation, and Imposter Syndrome. Unfortunately, I don’t have a way to banish the depression when it is hitting me that hard, but I do know that it helped A LOT to have someone there to talk to me and show compassion for what I was going through. Just someone BEING THERE helped a lot. Maybe that’s a solution, maybe not. But doing something proactive when faced with adversary is better than accepting it and letting it get worse.